June 19, 2013

Meeting Your Teen’s Emergency Needs

Learning finances is sort of baptism by fire, really–you’re almost always going to make mistakes, need help, and then mess up again. That includes managing that pesky checkbook.

Teens may wonder how adults do it! How do they keep everything in order? Here’s the answer:

Because Those Adult Were Taught!

This is where you, the parent, come in. Remember that you’re dealing with “big” kids here.

Now you might be saying that it’s ridiculous to constantly guide a teen through every little financial nuance. But look at it like this: you’re not carrying them around but simply holding their hand.

This means letting your teen manage a checking account, savings account, or pay day one loan. It also means letting the teen use the money however they choose–to buy clothes, food, or go to the movies. Think of it as the next evolutionary step after the great American financial deal called the ‘allowance’. They have more freedom to exercise their independence now.

And Here’s Where the Holding their Hand Comes In

Emergencies will always occur — and most of them will be because your teen wasn’t thinking. Again, they’re basically “big” kids. They’ll screw up.

So when they constantly lose or waste money and they can’t meet their financial responsibilities — a phone, a car, gas money, yadda yadda –be prepared to back them up. It’s a hard lesson — but they’ll learn it.

It Was the Same For You

How did you learn? Your parents helped you. You learned your lesson.

And that’s why you would do the same thing for your “big” kid. As they always say — nobody learns anything unless they make mistakes!

Talking to Teens

Two adolescent couples at the 2009 Western Ida... 

Image via Wikipedia

Teenage years have the reputation of being highly emotional anc complicated. During such a rocky time frame it isn’t unusual for teenagers to want distance or stray away from the previous connections they have had with their parents. This time frame can seem nearly impossible for parents.

Teenagers are more likely to be open and honest to their parents if their parents are more likely to listen. As simply as it can be put, most people do not like to be judged and neither will a teenager. Having the ability to accept a teens honesty is a show of trust and can and usually will lead to open conversations about what is happening in their lives.

Being a teenager means that for the first time they are dealing with emotions. Paired with the first real encounters with socializing it becomes highly stressful and often a time where guidance is needed. Having a parent who listens without passing judgment can be the difference in a relationship that blossoms and one that results in lying and seeking out advice from others.

Allowing your teen to be open is step one. Being open with your teen is step two. Share stories that may have a similar patter to their lives or experiences. Having someone who has been through what they are going through will make them more comfortable listening to advice you give also it will make it easier for the application of such advice.

Above all make sure to educate your teen. The more educated a person is (teen or otherwise) the more likely they will be to make positive decisions.

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Teenagers and Sex

Being a teenager is all about school, friends, boys or girls (pick your preference) and, what we later realize as adults, is the beginning of our social climb. Finally having a little bit of freedom mixed with a whole lot of hormones can makes for some sticky grown up situations.

By the time that a teenager reaches their senior year about half of their graduating class will have had sex. Luckily enough most teenagers will limit their sexual activity to one specific partner. Ironically enough, in the culture that sells sex in most major ad campaigns, this particular fact has improved with each generation.

Regardless of age or experience sex is something that should not be taken lightly. As a teenager you are beginning to explore intimacy, arousal, and emotions. As a parent you are attempting to figure out how to ease your baby into adulthood while still holding on tightly to their innocence.

It is important for a teenager to understand a few things with regards to sex, relationships, and family communication. For a teenager who is has begun having sex there are a few important things that become a priority. For instance young women will need to start seeing a regular physician.

It is important to consider the type of relationship that exists between sexual partners. As a teenager, strong emotional connections are made and having a mutually caring relationship should be a priority for both parents and teens. Healthy relationships will allow a teenager to experience a positive development into adulthood. Negative emotional relationships can lead to negative sexual relationships which can cause further emotional issues in life.

A parents priority should be, above all, a support and information guide. Teenage years are emotionally complicated and often scary enough without the added insecurity of letting down parents. It is important to stress that a teenager needs to feel comfortable talking about sexual issues or concerns, parents are often the first line in proper sexual education. With a proper education a teenager can make good informed decisions.

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What’s the Big Deal?

Decision Making Chart 

Image by West Virginia Blue via Flickr

When you are a teenager it is hard to think about anything but what is going on right now. Most of the time what is going on right now is going to revolve around a specific someone.

As adults most of us have had these experiences and know that whatever is going on will eventually be resolved and it is not as big of a deal as it seems to be. However, sometimes it is important to remember exactly how stressful it can be to have to feel like the world is falling down.

So how should a teenager handle those big situations that seem bigger than they actually are?

  • Giving a little space from the situation might be the one thing that can provide you perspective. Having the opportunity to really evaluate what is happening in the situation will strongly benefit your decision making.
  • Take a break from emotional space. If you feel anxious, uncomfortable, mad, sad or any combination of emotions that impact decisions walk away. Letting yourself cool down the emotional spectrum will allow you to rationalize and make better decisions.
  • When you are confused about a situation do not be afraid to seek advice. Sometimes it might be difficult to talk about whatever is happening but you might be able to find valuable insight if you do.
  • React calmly and honestly. The best way to communicate positively is by doing so openly. When you communicate openly people have information that they might not normally understand and thus react differently.

 

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